If you don't wanna read about my teen angst/emotional outbursts/feelings stop right now. I felt like writing this down cause I'm hoping it'll make me feel better.

As of right now I'm just getting through one of my short periods of depression. I'll get these Spots of extreme depression for a couple hours every once in awhile. Though I haven't had one since the end of May. I kept getting a lot of them around May but they went away for the summer. This sucks that they're back now. T^T

This one was pretty bad, I had some rather down thoughts. They didn't really help my self-esteem...not that I had any to begin with. ^^ Not that you'd know, I'm usually pretty cheerful and stuff when I'm w/friends. ^^ I can't even hardly remember what any of my really down thoughts were now, it's kinda like a dream. You know where you know the general idea of the dream but not anything really specific most of the time? It was like that.

Though I guess one of the reasons this one was unusually bad was that I was isolated in my room and when my mom came in after she got home she didn't notice... though that's really not fair to her. I wasn't really showing any signs and she wasn't w/me long enough to notice. It's times like these that I wish she were psychic. I'm not very good w/the talking about feelings and when I'm in a downer mood.

lol, I'm so childish. ^^ I tried to get my mom's attention in the most childish way. I went into her room and acted kinda rude and stuff when she talked to me and then left to see if she would come see why I was being so rude; that didn't really work out. Then I got frustrated and went back into my room. I kept bottling my frustration until I kinda lost control and*blush*... threw a bottle of water off my bed onto the floor were it then hit my door... that didn't really work either cause right after I opened my door and said the noise was nothing.

So here I was now, laying in the dark on my bed at 9:55pm, when my frustration faded away and I was left back where I started; in a down/depressed mood. I know my mom's asleep by now cause she always falls asleep early and that kinda makes me even more down. It's a horrible down spiral.

I decided that I at least wanted a hug so I waited 'til right after 10pm when my dad turned off their TV and went downstairs to turn off the rest of the lights and stuff before I went into their room. I went up to my mom's side of the bed and poked her awake, then I asked if I could have a hug. lol, she was really confused but said ok so I hugged her. Then of course I couldn't help myself and started crying. I hate it when that happens! So anyways, my mom asked what was wrong and I let go and just kind of shrugged cause I really couldn't manage to talk at the moment. I'm trying to compose myself now cause I really didn't wanna keep my mom up and just said it was just one of my small down moments and then said goodnight before returning to my room.

I'm sure everyone knows how hard it is to stop crying once you've started. It's pretty feutal but I try anyway cause I don't like crying. A minute later my mom comes in and sits down on my bed and asks me again what's wrong. That really doesn't help me in my effort to stop crying. ^^ After that it's kinda a blur even though it only just happened not even an hour ago.

So anyways, I just needed to write that out. I'm feeling much better now! ^^ Hopefully I don't have another down moment for quite awhile. ^^